Mate selection is not purely a result of erotic attraction but is determined by our childhood. The truth that surrounds people is that a person walking toward the end of their life needs a partner with whom they will manage to cope with every difficulty and also taste the joys of life. As much as it troubles us, we may not be as free as we think. The mate’s choices can be determined subconsciously by the coping and guidance we receive from our parents in the early stages of our development.
Today, we will talk about the psychiatrists’ approach to the issue that seems to trouble most adult human minds:
- Me and us
Going through the various stages of their maturity, people build their personalities over time. The primary material for its construction is provided by our interaction with the environment. Along the way, and especially during adolescence, we follow predetermined orientations. We often get caught up in what we call an “identity crisis.” In the inescapable relationship of the individual with the external social environment, each of us is called to influence, assimilate and communicate. Our identity seems to break into separate selves. The questions lay in the choice of specific characteristics for each of us. Those who will project our idea of who we wish to be. What do we qualify as necessary for acceptance by our environment?
Eventually, growing up, we all face small or big identity crises. We try to incorporate additional features, modify some, and deny others. Life is not static; new data is added. They probably relate to the person itself and cause serious effects or unfortunate events.
- Our childhood experiences determine the scenario of our lives
For those who have the will to look deeper, I challenge you to look for your childhood experiences and your current mental problems, they will be revealed, and if you wish, they will be solved, as the renowned psychiatrist and psychotherapist Matthew Yosafat argues. They will not be forgotten, but they can be treated with appropriate psychotherapy. All our childhood experiences can teach us the reasons behind our present actions.
- The three main characteristics that determine the choice of partner
Behind the image of the partner that most people are looking for are hidden three main characteristics: the unconscious, the one that has been formed in childhood, and the ideal. It is practically the whole image of mother and father that we received when we were children. The more unhappy, emotionally empty, and uninteresting the relationship between the parents of a child, the more idealized will be the search for love. That is, I unconsciously need to seek security, love, affection, and above all, the acceptance that I did not receive from my parents.
- ‘I can’t find anyone to match.’
It is the most frequent disappointment of modern people when they are asked to apologize to someone close to them or to a psychologist for the wrong choice of a partner. This is because they are looking for something idealized in the prospective partner. This is not because they are looking for the mom or dad they had, but because they are looking for the dad and mom, they would like to have. They seek that sense of security that will allow them to bring out more and more true elements of themselves (true with all dark and bright sides) with the main goal of being accepted for what they are trying to discover they are.
- Is there a perfect match?
A man may well be an engineer, a Greek, and a religious man. A woman might live as a homosexual, a lawyer, and a mother. A child is probably a student, a child of immigrants, and at the same time, a diabetic. All of them, like all of us, experience multiple identities at the same time, different “selves.” We are not just one thing, and this is one we cannot find a perfect match.
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