The bitter hour of ‘goodbye’ came. Until recently, the person who was your other half said goodbye, betraying you or hurting you. In addition to physical absence, you also have a rich range of negative emotions: anger, hurt, selfishness, pain, disappointment, misery, despair, and mourning. How do you manage all this? How do you move forward? How do you return to everyday life and laugh again?
Here are some ideas for the wound healing process:
- Give yourself time to grieve
It may seem that this particular advice is against common sense. And yet, it is essential to allow yourself to grieve for a time. The famous psychiatrist who has written extensively about the grieving process, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross gives the following stages of mourning: denial, anger, haggling, depression, and acceptance. All these are normal and acceptable feelings, as long as you don’t become a dysfunctional person and don’t take too much time.
- Show compassion for yourself and allow yourself to feel the pain
Often our first reaction but also the advice of our friends is to forget the separation as soon as possible and not to allow ourselves to feel hurt. Some people turn to a new hobby, others become workaholics, and some even start a new relationship immediately after separation. But this doesn’t seem right. Permit yourself to feel bad about the breakup, because this is also the normal thing to do. If you did not feel pain, then obviously, you did not feel great love either. The tactic of finding ways to forget usually does not pay off because the pain lurks and comes to the surface at some point. Object to your feelings, allow them to exist, and then move on.
- Choose to have positive people around you and positive energy
This does not contradict the two above, even though it may seem so! The idea is that we talk with friends about the separation process, the events that took place, and our feelings, but we do not enter the swamp of pity and self-pity forever. Good friends don’t allow us to live the separation over and over again. Good friends encourage us, support us and help us smile and have a nice time. The environment that will surround you after the break-up will play a very critical role in your recovery and you can picture it as a nicely decorated home. This can be your chance to become inspired again.
- Learn your lesson and feel grateful
Reflect on what you got and what you learned through that relationship, positive or negative, small or large. Focus on the lesson you took from the relationship and consider yourself lucky to have had the chance to live that experience. After that, you are a little wiser and a little stronger. Feel gratitude for what you got and what you learned through the relationship that ended. Dr. Seuss, the famous author of children’s books, said: do not cry that it is over; smile that it has been!
- How did you benefit?
Every coin has two sides. If it was not for the misery, we could not distinguish happiness. The last thing one thinks about when a relationship ends is how they have benefited from it. Nevertheless, it is an important lesson but also a life gain. Focus on what you gained from the relationship and how knowledge and experience can help you in the future. You may have learned something about the kind of person and behavior you should avoid. You may have learned something about what you like. There is always some gain; discover it!
- Don’t forget to set limits
Also, let’s not forget the cliche that time heals all wounds. When the first strong emotions settle, you can decide to manage them. If the relationship is over, it’s over! Don’t try begging when the other doesn’t want to. There is nothing more ”soul-destroying” than being rejected while you have just broken up. Give yourself time to stay alone, find positive groups and support to interact with, and have a sense of well-being. Give yourself time and space to close the wounds of separation and remember that nothing good can come out of self-pity.
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