How to know when it’s time to step down

There is a strong narrative that celebrates those who endure, those who keep going through adversity, with passion and perseverance.  The language we use to celebrate those who have grit, who keep going despite the challenges, their tenacity, their courage, their sheer determination.  The madly popular work of Angela Duckworth (2016) is persuasive and important, but it is worth considering that alongside the idea that we might quit too early we should also consider the possibility that we can stay too long and that in doing so we limit our growth and potential. 

We applaud the qualities of those who don’t give up, who are dogged in their pursuits.  Yet there is virtue in adopting another path, to recognise the value in walking away, in recognising when it’s time to step down.

As leaders there is a particular quality to leaving that means that we are considering not only what is best for us but also what the impact of our departure might have on the business, the people we leave behind and the relationships that we have established.

Knowing when to leave your job is challenging.  As forerunners our role carries status, a value in what we embody for our organisation. We might enjoy a great salary and other perks that we have got used to.  We might value the certainty of familiar surroundings and the knowledge that we know what to do, that we are working with colleagues and clients that we understand and who are used to our ways of being.  However such solace is not always in our best interests.  We may stagnate, resting in the comfort zone and not give ourselves the chance to develop, experiment and grow.

There is courage in leaving, there are no guarantees about what comes next.  We may regret the choice to go but we may equally regret the wasted time we spent in work that does not fulfil us, with people who don’t inspire us, where our values are not aligned, where we are stagnating.  One of our trailblazing functions as a leader may be to model the capacity to walk away.

Research tells us that when contemplating the way in which we will look back on the lives we have lived there is a strong theme of regret, regret that dreams were not pursued, regret that the expectations and dreams of others were prioritised; regret that we worked too hard and did not have the courage to speak our minds and share our feelings (Ware, 2012).  A future focus on our potential regrets in ten- or twenty-years’ time is a valuable exercise (Pink, 2022).  Regretting the things we haven’t done may feature, staying in the here and now when it is toxic and deflating, not leaving a position that makes us feel undervalued or unsatisfied. In short our regrets may include staying rather than leaving.

All change is challenging and involves some kind of loss; it can be difficult to take a leap and move from a steady and secure role and step into the unknown.  It is helpful to fully explore your desires, the advantages, and the disadvantages of the status quo as well as the possibilities for the future.  Doing some due diligence on your reasons to stay or go will help to build your understanding and give you clarity about what you will do next.  List as many reasons as possible:

• Great reasons why I should stay
• Great reasons why I should quit
• The downsides of staying
• The downsides of quitting…

We have the opportunity to challenge the negative stereotype of walking away with a focus on reinvention & fresh opportunities.  The psychologist Annie Duke (2022) urges us to stop wasting time on opportunities that are no longer worthwhile, to take the longer-term perspective and consider the use of a ‘quitting coach’.  Someone who is prepared to say hard truths that might be painful to hear in the short term, but long term will offer you much better options for your well-being and capacity to flourish. As Duke describes, alongside quitting comes the fear that we have failed, that we have wasted our time and resources.  

Every new beginning involves an ending.  At the start of any reinvention is an ending, a decision to be different, to do something different or to think differently. In transition we may feel unsettled, our past identity is fresh in our mind, and we have not yet settled in the new place.  

When deciding whether or not to quit remember situations and context can change, we don’t need to stick to a bad choice. Our lifestyle and preferences can shift, and decisions are not absolute, you can return and change course, or get back to ideas that were previously rejected.

Leaving is an option. You can be creative and courageous.

Written by Dr. Susan Kahn.
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