How to Protect the Value of Time: The 1-4 rule

At fifty-two, I am living my best life—mentally, physically, and professionally. I live in a beautiful home, in a Connecticut town that I love. My only boss is me, and I’ve never been more passionate about my work. A newfound sense of calm flows through my days. Every morning I wake up, place my feet on the ground, and know I am where I’m supposed to be. Life is not perfect, and I’m still working on that whole true love thing, but now I approach my life differently. 

Time is a unit of measurement and just as valuable as any currency. Spending time in the right way is the first choice we make that affects our mindset. One of my career coaches taught me the importance of understanding the value people contributed to my life. That helped me make value calls on where, when, and on whom to spend my own time. 

For example, we all have those friends or family members that are positive influences on our mindset and those that are negative—the people who suck the air out of the room, take over conversations with negativity or leave us feeling drained after just a few hours with them. 

My coach’s rule of thumb was that for every hour spent with a negative person, we must spend four hours with a positive person to make up for that energy deficit. We all know that negative people can suck the life and energy from a room, but how often do you consider how that impacts you beyond that interaction? Do you ever think about how you will approach the hours following that one hour with a negative person? How will you treat others you interact with after their energy drain?

Keeping that 1-4 rule in mind, I use this simple equation when deciding how to spend my free time. Here’s how I decide:

Is it worth it? I don’t often have four hours to spare to make up for those negative hours—so I skip that negative hangout instead and don’t feel guilty. 

Will it cost me? I’ve found that the one-hour-to-four-hour mindset rule applies to business too. When I find the energy to be negative with a client, the cost of working together becomes much higher. How will I be able to make up for that negativity? 

Should I say no? Sometimes—the easiest way is to just say no and not take the job. This strategy has helped me make smarter decisions about what projects are worth my commitment. 

An example of this in my personal interactions would be the decision on how I spend a free Sunday. If I have the choice to go out to lunch with a more negative friend or go for a walk alone, I would choose the walk alone even though I enjoy the social activity of going out to lunch. A walk alone would energize my mind and body vs. feeling depleted and drained after lunch with a negative friend. Sundays are meant for getting recharged and ready for the week ahead. 

Practicing the 1-4 in career and in life

When it comes to my career, the 1-4 rule is equally as valuable. For example, when I am first meeting with a potential client, if I notice they are critical of their spouse, challenging in their questions, or tell me they have a hard time making decisions, those are warning signs to me. If I can fast-forward visually and think about how interacting with this person will be on a project, I can often see that time with them could be difficult and draining. I would have to consider what the project’s financial payoff could be vs. the price of challenging interactions: Is the emotional cost worth the financial return?

When I practice the 1-4 rule in my life, I am giving myself permission to pause and consider my mental well-being in terms of how I spend my time. It is an empowering exercise to make myself the priority with my time. There are times when we just “have” to do something that drains our energy, but my goal is to minimize those times. I am the designer of my life—and as such, I get to control the people invited into my days. Give it a try: You will feel a greater sense of control over a very precious aspect of your life—your time!

Written by Jeanne Collins.

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