4 Reasons Why We Fight After All

Small conflicts appear in our lives every day. However, sometimes fighting can be more than painful. In most cases, it is painful for all those involved in the fight, while not a few are the times that we tend to hurt others and have side losses. In order to avoid traumatizing others and protect ourselves in the first place, we must understand why we fight after all. Here are the psychological reasons why we turn to such toxic behaviors.

1. Lack of respect is number one
   Asking people why they fight has proved that the most popular reason people value as number one for fighting with others is that they don’t feel respected. In the past, a lack of respect could physically damage the weakest. Women and kids were objects of insult until the law started to protect them from maltreatment. It is interesting, though, to point out that statistically, most attacks are from men to men and not necessarily to weaker people. Still, extreme phenomena are not only the case. A lack of respect can be found when others get too close to your private space. Also, cases when other people underestimate your personality and talents, or phenomena, where people become directly offensive towards others, are cases of disrespect. The majority of the population puts all of these behaviors under the umbrella called ”lack of respect.” People admit that it is common for those who feel powerful to adopt such attitudes, and they even admit it themselves.
2. Rationality is not always the goal
   One of the most surprising parameters that can lead to people’s fights is being too rational. When we fight, we kind of wake up. We only speak with arguments and bring out things that we can defend. Because of the fact that we will have to answer back on others’ attacks, disappointments, and accusations, we become more equipped with arguments. These arguments will allow us to come out as winners from the conversation and create the impression that we are right while others are wrong. Determining who’s right is not always the goal. The reason why people create relationships is that they want to bond with other human beings. Clarifying the ”correct” opinion will not always lead to the true purpose of communication.
3. Poor judgment due to personal involvement
   Most of the time, we try to stay focused and objective. Still, there are many occasions when we can’t pull ourselves together, and we end up being personally involved. We lose our whole objectivity, and we judge the situation based on what we experience and not on what actually happens in real time. We unconsciously bring up the past and have thoughts related to traumas and events that have been harmful to us. In an effort to protect ourselves, we become aggressive and forget to focus on what the other person is trying to communicate, neither on how they feel. We are so self-centered at the time that any effort to bring reasonable responses to the conversation is not successful.
4. Being yourself and loving yourself
   Our needs are more simple than we imagine. Two of them include the need for an individual to love and to be loved. Being in search of that love in external factors can make us do many things. Sometimes we become adventurous and risky. Other times we prefer to say ”yes” and please others, and in the case of a fight, we tend to be defensive or aggressive. To put it simply, we are not ourselves. We are just some people searching for love, and we search for it in the wrong way. The other person’s intention to communicate and bring their own needs to the table is poorly translated into a lack of love for us. Love has its source in our hearts. If we cannot confirm that to ourselves, no matter how much others try, they will not be able to fill the gap.

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