Our Untold Stories

My wife and I attended a graduation ceremony this weekend for a dear friend who recently earned her second master’s degree. This commencement event celebrated the accomplishments of more than 500 students receiving their master’s or doctoral degrees. Held in a magnificent church in Pasadena, California, we heard some wonderful speeches, uplifting music, and the names of every graduate in attendance that day as they walked across the stage to receive their diploma.

As the announcer called each name, I thought about the unique stories of every graduate. What inspired them to pursue this graduate degree? What do they plan to do with it? What obstacles did they overcome during the program that made a difficult task more challenging?

I love graduations. It’s a celebration of what every student earned and an expression of appreciation to everyone who helped make it possible – family, friends, fellow students, co-workers, faculty, and the university community.

As an adjunct professor for Seton Hall University and now Rutgers for the past 16 years, I’ve had the privilege of working with some outstanding students. Students who not only earned A’s by submitting outstanding work, but also navigated life events, including childbirth, the death of a family member, health scares, job loss, marriage, divorce, and so on. Not to mention that many of these students worked full-time jobs and raised families while taking a full load of demanding courses. The best of these students made everyone around them better.

What This Means for CEOs and Organizational Leaders 

There’s been a great deal written in recent years about the power of storytelling, most of it about how great stories can help us connect with our audiences or more clearly illustrate our point of view. That said, we should also be attuned to the stories that are untold—what lies behind what we see every day.

I’ve found myself looking at people through a different lens more often than I did 20 years ago. For every person I see today, I try to imagine what brought them to live where they do. How they chose their job or whether their job chose them. I think about the influences in their lives (the stories) that have shaped how they view the world. I realize I know nothing about them, yet all too often, I can still fall victim to making snap judgments based on what they may do in a given moment. It’s hard to imagine anything more patently unfair. Like all of us, I am a work in progress.

Compound that with not knowing what may have happened in their lives on a particular day – events that may cause them to be either jovial, indifferent, or angry at the world. And in fairness, those people do not understand what’s happening in your world either. These powerful, untold stories extend to our interactions with everyone we meet daily.

The Antidote 

The antidote to rushing to judgment, jumping to conclusions, or making assumptions is curiosity. Imagine if your first response to any particular person or situation is to ask questions – either of yourself or the person standing before you. The more patience and curiosity we show, the more likely we’ll learn something that will help us understand a person or their circumstances more clearly – which will also spare us the inevitable embarrassment of being wrong most of the time when we don’t.

What does any of this have to do with leadership? If, by realizing the power of the untold story, we can show more patience with those we lead, we’ll all be richer for it. Before reacting or responding negatively to someone, take a moment to consider what you may not understand. When I ask people to name the best leader they have ever worked for and why, they quickly name an individual or two based, almost always on how they made them feel. You’ll never have someone tell you that they respected the leader who made them feel judged. They respect leaders who take a genuine interest in them and who ask thoughtful questions. Great leaders make people feel heard and valued.

The story of the difference between Victorian-era British leaders William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli illustrates the point nicely, “Winston Churchill’s mother, Jennie Jerome, famously wrote that after sitting next to Gladstone, ‘I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman.’”

The Chinese word for patience is pronounced REN. It’s expressed with a combination of two characters: the blade of the knife and the heart, symbolizing how difficult it can be to demonstrate true patience. Consider how this may be relevant to you, your life, or your leadership, and share your story. Most of all, remember those graduates who walked across the stage and recognize what they accomplished with even greater reverence. 

Have you read?
World’s Best Countries To Invest In Or Do Business.
World’s Most Startup-Friendly Countries.
World’s Best Countries For Quality of Life.
Largest Economies Europe In 2024.
GDP of the BRICS countries (2000 to 2028).