Top of Heart: The Power of Building Real, Human Connections

At a fundamental level, we all seek to belong. In our individual quests to become a part of the human race, we often lose what makes us special and unique. We round our sharp edges, tone down our colors, and soften our voices. We follow the rules, do what’s expected of us, and keep relationships safe, secure, and sufficiently superficial.

 This is certainly the case with most business and sales relationships. Top-of-mind sales tactics keep us fitting in. They put us “in front of” rather than “with” people, teaching us to stay relevant rather than real. 

But the era of putting up a shallow business front is over. Going through the motions, playing “numbers games,” and referring to human beings as “prospects” and “leads” is no longer cutting it. 

The business case for human connection 

We’re in an age where artificial intelligence and automation are replacing more and more of the moving parts of sales transactions. According to the McKinsey Global Institute, one-third of sales and operations tasks can be easily automated with current technology. 

This is already happening all around us. In my real estate business, clients no longer follow me to the next house during showings; they simply look up the address on their phone, and I end up following them! 

And this is just the start. 

Once this transformation is complete, all that will be left is our ability to forge real human connections (and all the things that come from those connections), something AI automation can’t replace, at least not for a while. 

Old-school sales strategies—once the go-to in every industry—are also falling apart. These fake tactics go against our human instincts, which is why they so often feel “wrong” and ultimately fail. 

Many people in business and sales think that hard selling is their only option, so they keep forcing it. But does it have to be this way? Being a salesperson can be a natural outgrowth of love and compassion. Why shouldn’t it? 

Embracing a Top of Heart® Worldview 

Being “Top of Heart” is about relearning what human nature already knows: All relationships, including business relationships, come from the heart, not the head. Stop swimming against the tide. Bring the art of persuasion back to square one and relearn what our hearts never forgot. Prove that sales and human relationships aren’t contradictory notions. 

Here’s how to start. 

Our Mindset 

A Top of Heart worldview begins with our mindset; being Top of Heart isn’t about what we’re doing but who we’re being. It’s about connecting authentically, person to person. 

To connect in this way, we must first get clear about who we are; then, we can bring “the real us” into each interaction. We must discover what’s most true and beautiful in ourselves and share it with others. This is the way we have honest relationships that serve us all. 

In my own life, when I switched my mindset from “How do I get this person to do what I want?” to “How do I bring all of me to this relationship and really show up for this person?” a big shift happened. I found my community—my place to belong. 

Discover who you are: Take a few minutes to get quiet and still. Reflect on who you are at your core. What makes you happiest? When do you feel most alive? What beliefs are present when you feel this way? 

Our Skillset 

We’ve all heard the phrase “fake it till you make it.” But how much happiness and fulfillment can we realistically expect to derive from a situation that, by definition, originates as fake, creates new behaviors that are fake, and produces outcomes that are—you guessed it—fake? 

Faking it might be a popular approach in many industries, but how much confidence could it possibly instill? A house built on a shaky foundation isn’t a house I’d ever want to sell. 

Instead, invest in building strength and achieving excellence. 

Build your strengths: What strengths do you need to meet your life missions? How can you set your mind on the right targets each day? What new habits should you adopt—and which old ones should you ditch? How are you practicing excellence daily? 

Our Heartset 

We’re taught from the very moment we enter the world, when we go to school, and when we go to work, that our emotions aren’t welcome. 

How many parents have clenched their teeth and uttered, “Stop crying!”? How many “emotional outbursts” have landed schoolchildren in the principal’s office? How many bosses have muttered, “Leave your problems at home”? 

With a Top of Heart worldview, we can express our excitement and passions rather than pushing them down. We don’t need to hide or set aside our feelings in the service of our careers. We don’t need to ignore the emotions in the room. 

There is emotion—sometimes light and simple, sometimes deep and crushing—threading its way through every interaction and conversation. Top of Heart is about recognizing that emotional experience and honoring it. When we do, we align our hearts. We go deeper. 

Here’s an example: Have you ever called the dentist with a toothache? It usually goes something like this: “Hi there, I have a major toothache. It feels as if there’s something scraping directly on the nerve. It’s excruciating, and I’d like to come in immediately!” 

“OK, sir. What’s your name?” 

OK?! What exactly is OK about this scenario? Could there be any less acknowledgment of the pain you’re in? 

Now, contrast that with, “Oh no, that sounds dreadful! May I have your name so we can get you feeling better as soon as possible?” 

See the difference? 

Tap into emotion: What are some ways you can set aside the business at hand to care for the person in front of you? Based on what you know about your client’s life, how might they be feeling? What are some ways you can show compassion? 

Heartset is an intentional way of being, an approach to business relationships that allows the heart to lead the way. We’ve done the work with mindset and skillset. We know who we are, we know our capabilities, and now we’re ready to show up as we are in the moment.

 We’re ready to connect.

Written by Grant Muller.

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