Balancing the Paradoxes of Authentic Leadership

Imagine a CEO sharing with the Board genuine concern about the impact the pace of change is having on the organization. Alternatively, imagine a CEO feeling depleted and choosing not to share that with the executive team. Instead, the CEO focuses on inspiring the team towards achieving a goal.

Which one is the right approach? These two approaches could feel at odds with each other. In the first, the CEO is trying to be authentic. In the second, the CEO acknowledges emotions are contagious so doesn’t share how they are feeling.

Leadership is full of qualities that are seemingly contradictory. While the concepts of being vulnerable and authentic in the workplace have gotten increasingly prevalent in recent years, there are equally important leadership qualities that appear paradoxical.

Examples of authenticity related leadership paradoxes include:

• Be authentic but be aware that emotions are contagious
• Be vulnerable but don’t overshare
• You have a giant spotlight on you but show your humanity

These paradoxes can be incredibly confusing. Why do these messages seem to oppose one another? What are leaders supposed to believe?

When leaders operate with binary, either/or thinking, they tend to over rotate to one side or the other of the opposing qualities. It can be challenging to reconcile how to lead or follow leadership wisdom when characteristics feel in conflict.

Leaders can feel like they are supposed to lead in a certain way all the time but the truth is, it’s not possible. This can lead to self-judging their leadership style.

Leadership is not one side or the other. Instead of viewing leadership in absolutes, we can view leadership as holding all aspects as true. Leadership is not yes to one behavior and no to the opposing behavior. Leadership is yes/and.

It is important to recognize that paradoxes coexist in leadership. Greater awareness of the paradoxes alleviates pressure and highlights the complexity of leadership.

Explanation of authenticity related leadership paradoxes: 

1. Be authentic and be aware that emotions are contagious
   While showing up as your full self is essential, over-flexing authenticity is not realistic and can be problematic. Leaders can feel like they need to be authentic in all facets of leadership continually, which truly isn’t possible.

   In leadership, there isn’t full permission for emotional authenticity. It’s not necessarily beneficial or effective to share your emotions or thoughts in certain situations. With the awareness that emotions are contagious, you recognize you can’t tell the truth all the time.

   A more nuanced approach to showing up authentically means being true to your moral compass, integrity, principles and core values. Discern where and with whom it is appropriate to express yourself fully, including sharing both the positive and difficult emotions.

2. Be vulnerable and don’t overshare
   We must be thoughtful about how we talk about vulnerability as the concept can be over-indexed. None of us has permission to be 100% vulnerable all the time in the workplace. It is not beneficial to always speak your mind. It’s not the reality of how to show up in the workplace.

   Being vulnerable at work doesn’t mean sharing every detail of your personal life. It means being willing to ask for help, lean on others, admit mistakes, and recognize strengths and growth opportunities.

3. You have a giant spotlight on you and show your humanity 
   Recognize being a leader means there is a spotlight on you all the time. People inside and outside of the organization watch executives every word and action. Leaders must balance showing up at their best on a regular basis while simultaneously displaying their humanity.

   How could leaders reconcile both aspects?

   Leaders can recognize that it’s true, they are in the spotlight. They need to be thoughtful about how they lead. They do have an impact on others. How they show up every day matters. What’s equally true is great leadership means connecting in your humanity, not in perfection.

   It’s also essential for executives to have places where they can show up as fully human and don’t have the spotlight on them. Executives can support themselves by having deep and trusting relationships where they can show up as their full self.

Strategies to balance the paradoxes: 

1. Build your awareness muscle
   Develop your understanding that multiple things can be true at the same time. While all these aspects of leadership may feel at odds with each other, they all must exist together within leadership. They are part of what makes leadership so hard. It’s possible to hold these qualities in a way that allows us to show up congruent with ourselves. This will help you determine and be fluid in discovering that balance every day.

   As you build your awareness, you build compassion for yourself and others about how hard it actually is to be a leader. Bring acceptance and love to what feels complex.

   Acknowledging this gives you permission that it’s okay to be that way. Remember, you chose a challenging path. Come back to the bigger picture of why you are choosing to be in leadership.

   Reflection: Notice what aspects of being an authentic leader feels at odds. Where might two things that feel completely at odds need to exist together?

2. Role model and go first
   As leaders, you have a responsibility to role model and go first to foster a culture of trust. If you as a leader aren’t willing to show up with vulnerability, then you can’t ask others to do so. When you admit you don’t know all the answers, ask for help, share more about yourself, and recognize others’ strengths, it gives permission for others to do so too.

   Reflection: How could you model vulnerability with your team?

3. Focus on situational leadership
   With every situation and person, there is typically a different place we must lead from. This can stretch our leadership range. It’s important to look at each situation to determine where to focus on one paradoxical aspect more versus where to integrate the two concepts.

   Once you understand the places in your work and leadership where aspects feel in conflict, it allows you to find different balance points. Instead of over-rotating to only exhibit one side, you can determine where it’s appropriate to demonstrate each opposing quality. In addition, knowing both sides exist can help you determine where it’s most appropriate to find the middle ground between the extremes.

   Reflection: Where do you need to focus on one paradoxical aspect more than the other? Where do you need to integrate both concepts? What are the right balance points?

4. Replenish your energy 
   Recognize it’s potentially draining to hold and act in seemingly contradictory styles. Therefore, it’s crucial to build your own foundations of wellbeing to handle the hard.

   Exhibiting behaviors that stretch you outside of your comfort zone and acting in ways different than your natural tendencies, takes more energy.

   Vital leadership provides a foundation of energy resources for leaders to lead at their full capacity. By prioritizing your wellbeing, you build your vitality, giving you an abundance of energy. You can learn how to replenish your energy to have the inner physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual resources to deliver on the outputs.

   Reflection: What paradoxical leadership aspects require more energy for you? How could you replenish your energy in these situations?

5. Lead with your core values
   With all the conflicting aspects of leadership, what is the constant?

   Your core values are the principles you lead and live by. They are your compass to navigate paradoxical aspects of leadership. When areas do feel in conflict, lean into how you might lead in a way that reflects one or more of your core values. This constant can help you find your leadership balance points.

   Make sure you are clear on your core values. If you aren’t or haven’t reflected on them in at least a year, it’s time for a refresh.

   Consistently lead with your core values to guide a yes/and approach to leadership.

   Reflection: How could you lead with your core values when something feels contradictory?

By developing strategies to embrace yes/and leadership, leaders can thrive within the complexities of leadership.

Written by Dr. Jamie Shapiro.

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