The Highwire Act Of Leadership: Balancing Authority And Sensitivity In Tough Talks

CEOs make tough decisions all day every day. But one task even hard-charging leaders often find difficult is having a tough talk with an employee. Whether performance-related, an ethical issue, or a major change in company policy discussing anything challenging is an art and a science. Conversations can feel like a highwire act where mastering the delicate balance between authority and sensitivity is critical.

It’s a common challenge throughout all levels of an organization. One study showed that 70% of employees avoid difficult conversations trusting, in vain, that an issue will resolve itself while 53% choose to handle toxic situations by ignoring them.

In a UK survey, conducted by the Chartered Management Institute (CMI), 66% of workers admitted they felt stressed or anxious if they knew a difficult conversation was on the cards, while 11% said they suffered from nightmares or poor sleep in anticipation of what was to come. Despite the frequency of such conversations, 80% said they had had no formal training on ways to handle them and 43% of senior managers even admitted to losing their temper and shouting when put on the spot. Research also discovered it was harder for British workers to request a pay raise than break up with a romantic partner.

Addressing tough topics is never easy. It’s fraught with potential pitfalls and opportunities for misunderstanding, but it’s a key element of leadership and there are ways to make it a less daunting prospect.

Harvard Business School Senior Lecturer Christina Wing, an expert on the subject, says it’s time to shatter the illusion of “fake harmony” in the workplace—going along to get along, if you like. People need to learn how to speak up appropriately.

Author of the forthcoming book on the matter Unspeakable (a great title!), Wing says workplaces that welcome honest, fruitful conversations can improve both employee morale and company performance. “We’ve spent so much time talking about what we shouldn’t talk about that we never spend enough time talking about what we should talk about,” she says.

For leaders looking to break the silence on taboo subjects, here are seven strategies for managing such dialogues with grace and efficacy that I have found effective in my work as a culture strategist with companies across the country and overseas.

Don’t let issues fester 

It’s always tempting to delay a confrontation. It’s human nature. But situations only worsen the longer they stew, a point well made by Wing. The more you delay, the more the problem will persist. Bite the bullet and arrange for a sit-down. Let the other person know the agenda 24 hours in advance, so they have time to prepare and are not caught off guard.

Face to face 

It’s always best to have difficult conversations in-person. There’s always the danger that emails and texts can be read out of context and even a phone or Zoom call doesn’t allow for the nuances of body language and other communication signals. If possible, have the meeting in a neutral space rather than your office where you’re obviously the dominant player.

Lead with vulnerability 

CEOS should consider sharing their personal experiences as a way to bridge the gap between hierarchy levels and make it easier for others to open up. This doesn’t mean oversharing or burdening employees but showing that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Employees appreciate the willingness to be open and not “above it all.”

Communicate with clarity 

I agree wholeheartedly with the adage “Clear is Kind, Unclear is Unkind” popularized by Brené Brown renowned author of six #1 New York Times best sellers including Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Brown emphasizes the importance of clarity and directness in communication. Beating around the bush or sugarcoating difficult messages can lead to confusion, misunderstandings, and further conflict. While conducting a seven-year study on bravery in leadership Brown found that most of us tend to avoid clarity under the illusion that being indirect is kinder when in reality, we’re being unkind and unfair.

Be transparent 

One of the biggest issues in organizations is when a lack of trust develops because employees feel there’s too much secrecy, and they don’t know what’s really going on. Suspicion leads to more distrust which can become toxic. Concerns about a company’s financial performance (and as a result an employee’s job security) can be rampant. It’s best to be open and transparent as possible which is why, for instance, at a recent team offsite I was happy to share my company’s annual revenues, status of current and upcoming accounts, and goals for the future.

Get the desired result 

Make sure there’s an outcome. Don’t talk in generalities or have someone leave the encounter wondering what it was all about, not knowing what’s expected of them. Make sure there’s an agreed plan of action within a specific period of time.

Reflect and review 

After a tough conversation take the time to think about what went well and what went wrong. What could you have said differently? What did you learn? What can you do better next time? By performing this exercise you’ll continually improve your communication skills and deepen your capacity for empathy and connection.

In conclusion 

The necessity for executives to engage in tough conversations is undeniable, yet the apprehension it generates is equally formidable. The art of discussing contentious or sensitive issues with employees is a critical competency for any leader, yet it is one that many find daunting—a test of a leader’s communication skills and emotional intelligence.

Ultimately, the ability to effectively engage in difficult conversations with employees is indicative of mature leadership and is essential for creating and developing a culture of openness, respect, and continuous improvement. It is through these conversations that leaders can demonstrate their commitment to their team’s well-being and development, thereby strengthening the foundations of their organization.

Written by Jason Richmond.

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