What To Avoid In Abusive Situations

Society may be evolving, but the steps that we, as humans, have taken to decrease violence of any kind are not enough. Abuse is still a common issue in many families and relationships. The victims are usually women and, many times, kids. However, most victims adopt behaviors that do not prove helpful for them, creating further issues and extra problems they will have to solve in the future. Sometimes we think the problem is far away, while in reality, it is very close. It is crucial to be informed and educate society regarding this complex matter. Today we will discuss the problematic attitudes in cases of abuse that victims should avoid.

1. Trying to calm things down
   When a victim detects the abuser’s intention to attack, the most common reaction is that they will try to help them calm down. Because the abuser scares them, they often believe that if they get along with the abuser, they will manage to relax them. Still, a person who has repetitive, abusive behavior has deeper issues, and while the victim will try to put some sense in the conversation, the abusers will completely misread that. The most likely thing to happen is that they will receive this attempt as a sign of weakness, giving them more space to expand their aggressive behavior.
2. Criticism will not be well accepted
   Another approach is to go with an aggressive intention towards the abuser and decide to point out all the negative aspects of their character. Abusers like to pretend they are strong and tough, but in reality, they are entirely messed up inside, and what they are trying to avoid is putting an order in this psychological mess. A person who reminds them they are responsible for this situation will wake up the beast. They have already decided how they want to handle their issues, and this is through anger. It will take a while before they become sensible, and the person to help them is not the victim. This can only be done by a professional therapist with the education and willingness to help.
3. Fights over fights
   Another aggressive approach is to try and argue with the abuser. Victims may attempt verbal fights that will not have a good ending. Remember that usually, the abuser has no intention of changing, improving, or solving any problem. All they want is to get the anger out of their system. In this case, victims work like mirrors of this behavior and base their actions on the same pattern. Victims’ decision to argue is based on the rage they have built inside and finally want to get rid of.
4. Asking them to understand
   Here victims address the abusers’ ability to think. The source of this decision that some victims will adopt is the belief that the abuser cares. They have been convinced that the abuser indeed finds that something is wrong with the victim, and now they try to change the abuser’s mind. The reality is that the abuser only wants to ”win” Most abusers are driven by the insecurity that they are not strong enough to choose a fight. This is why they pick victims that are less strong physically so that they can confirm their wish that they are strong and tough.
5. Explaining themselves
   The behavior we adopt says a lot about how others will treat us. As we mentioned earlier, abusers do not like to be criticized. On the other hand, they love to place judgment on others. They will eventually bring the future victim into a position where they will feel that they will have to explain themselves and defend themselves. The accusations will probably be false, so explaining one’s self will not lead anywhere. Here, the victim communicates the message that they need the abuser’s approval, and this is why they get into the trouble of explaining themselves. This allows the abuser to feel stronger and powerful enough to completely destroy the victim.

To conclude, abuse does not include only physical attacks and violence. It has many faces, and even though we may often not realize it, we probably come across abuse more often than we believe. Having a clue of how we can act allows us to gain control and avoid manipulation.

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