La Dolce Vita – don’t let the stairs stop you

I am in the process of buying a palazzo in Sicily. A magnificent three story Italian palazzo with flaking plaster walls, original tiles, a small terrace, pigeons in the ceiling and – of course – stairs. Lots of stairs. I have recently started sharing the great Sicilian adventure on Instagram and TikTok (you can follow me @katechristieloves) and it seems that moving to Italy and chasing la dolce vita is a much shared dream for many women (and men) in midlife. It has been an absolute joy to share how I’m living out this collective dream. One thing that has struck me, however, is the number of people who have expressed concern about the stairs:

‘What are you going to do when you can’t climb stairs anymore?”

‘In 10-15 years will you still love 3 stories, stairs?’

‘Stay fit schlepping all the groceries up 3 stories.’

‘Elevator? If not, no go.’

‘Those stairs will eventually become an issue and you will have to move’.

OK. Here’s the thing. I am currently 55 years old. I am not 85 years old. Hell yes those stairs will most likely be a knee and thigh and buttock nightmare  when I am 85. But I’m not going to forego 30 years of the absolute pleasure and joy of buying an Italian palazzo, renovating it, learning to speak Italian, making friends with the owners of the local pizzeria, riding my vespa to the beach for my morning swim in the Tyrrhenian Sea, and essentially living my life’s dream because I’m worried about how the stairs will feel in 30 years time.

Why do we put off living until later?   

Too often I see women – women my age – holding back on life. Holding back on living their best life. Waiting for retirement. Waiting for the kids to leave home. Waiting for the “right” moment. Or making decisions today based on how they think they will feel much later in life – instead of deciding to live their best lives right now.

We need to stop sacrificing today’s joy for tomorrow’s security.

Why? Because the future is not certain. Your health, energy and opportunity are not guaranteed. The risk of waiting to start living is that you may never get to do the things that matter most to you. I know this first hand – 4 years ago this week, my ex-husband died of pancreatic cancer. He was only 54.

And so, putting off living, putting off making decisions that will make me happy today but which might cause my knees to ache in 30 years time – is something I am not prepared to do. This doesn’t mean I am living recklessly or that I am urging you to do so—it means we need to ensure that we live intentionally, with a sense of urgency and gratitude for today. Because tomorrow is not a given.

Mid-life is the starting line, not the finish line   

Let’s dispel a big myth, women in their 50s and 60s are not ‘old’ and we are not ‘winding down’—on the contrary, we are just powering up. We are among the most educated women in history – which brings with it decades of experience, resilience, drive and tenacity. We are the healthiest, wealthiest, fittest and most active generation of midlife women ever. Ever! Far from slowing down, women in this age group are starting businesses, running marathons, traveling solo, and pursuing new passions. Our drive is fuelled by the freedom that comes with grown children, established careers and financial freedom.

Getting started   

But here’s the rub. Sometimes, despite the desire and the intent, getting started can feel overwhelming and, frankly, impossible. It’s hard to put yourself first, to try new things, and to step out of your comfort zone when you’ve spent decades taking care of and prioritising everyone else. I get it. I’ve been there (and I’m sometime still there!) But here’s what I want you to know: living a life by design, right now, is absolutely worth it.

My Crossroads 

A few years ago, I hit a crossroads. My kids were growing up and becoming more independent, my business was doing all the good things I wanted it to do and yet I felt a little restless, a little disaffected. I felt like there was a whole piece of “me” that I’d left unexplored and unattended in the process of being a responsible mum, partner, daughter, colleague and friend.

I hit 50 and instead of having a mid life crisis, I had a mid life catalyst. I realised that I will never be this young again, ever. I started thinking – So, what happens next? Surely it’s time to do things a little differently? To mix things up? To stop playing it so safe? To stop giving so much? To start doing the things I want to do while I’m still young enough to enjoy them?

Tomorrow is not promised. Your energy, curiosity, and physical capacity are today’s gifts—and so you need to use them. Don’t let your biggest life regrets be the trip not taken, the adventure postponed, the dream deferred, the stairs not climbed.

So I created a Life List – a list of things I want to do NOW, while I am still young enough to enjoy them. The idea of creating and living out a Life List wasn’t about ticking off wild, Instagram-worthy adventures (okay, maybe a few…)—it was about giving myself permission to want more, to try more, to fail more, to be and do more. I needed to put myself out there to experience life and to fail and get back up again.

And to be honest, it’s not all sunsets and self-discovery – sometimes it’s sweat, tears, and a mouthful of broken teeth. But that’s half the fun. Here’s a few things I have ticked off my Life List:

The Volcano That Nearly Killed Me

Take, for example, Mount Rinjani in Lombok, Indonesia. My son and his girlfriend invited me to climb this active volcano 2 years ago. I said yes, thinking, “How hard can it be?” (spoiler alert: it was brutal). The trek to the summit – starting at 3am after a freezing 2 hour sleep in a tiny tent after a day of climbing to reach the halfway mark was soul destroying: loose rocks that shifted like marbles, freezing winds, and a relentless climb at a vertical that defied physics. I almost gave up half a dozen times. But I kept going. When I finally reached the summit at sunrise, exhausted and emotional and fell crying into my kids’ arms, I felt something shift. I’d done it. Not gracefully, but I’d done it.

Surfing: Broken Teeth and Bruised Ego 

Then there is surfing. After years of watching my kids surf I was determined to learn, and what better time than in my 50s? I spent a week at surf camp in Bali and now I get into the waves as often as I can. When I paddle out I look like an octopus – all arms but no ground gained. I fall off way more than I stand up. I have given up trying to get out to the big waves – it is bloody hard work and scary as shit. Sometimes I just lie down flat faced on my board through sheer exhaustion.

But surfing has been life changing for me. I have finally realised at 55 that I don’t actually have to be the absolute best at everything. I can just be really, truely, big grin on my face happy simply catching the small waves. I have found my groove in the ‘middle’ break where the waves aren’t so big, the board feels a little more stable, I have the time to clamber to my knees and then onto my feet, and I’m less likely to drown. Sure I broke my teeth when the board hit me in the face. Sure I am covered in bruises – including to my ego. Sure I have a car that is permanently sandy. But I am also obsessed.

Finding love again 

Yep. Finding new love in my 50s was on my Life List. I drafted a very detailed description of the man I wished to meet and the qualities and values he needed to have in order to become the love of my life. I was simply not prepared to settle for ‘any’ kind of love. I was not prepared to settle full stop. And I met him and he is everything I described in my Life List and way, way more.

The Choice Is Yours—Right Now 

If you’re reading this and thinking, “I want that too, but I’m not sure where to start,” – I know it might be tempting to just sit and wait. To do nothing. To tell yourself you’ll start living later – maybe when the kids are older, or when work slows down, or when you feel more confident, or when you have more time, or when you have more money, or when… But here’s the honest truth: there will never be a perfect time.

The crossroads are right here, right now. And you get to choose. Will it be awkward? Sometimes. Will you fall flat on your face? Probably (I certainly have). But will it be worth it? Absolutely.

So, what will you choose? The palazzo with the stairs?

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