Top 30 Least Influential People In The United States: Non-Influencers List 2014

US President Barack Obama just can’t catch a break, can he?

America’s  GQ Magazine has released their list of the “least influential people of 2014,” with President Obama coming in at N0. 2, Bono and his U2 band took this year’s top spot.

As you can expect, the president finds himself in unfamiliar company, with a top 10 list that includes Donald Sterling (the writers who ruined the ending of How I Met Your Mother), Zach Braff, Dwyane Wade, CNN, Eric Cantor, Bono, and Roger Goodell.

Other non-influencers on the list include Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, and Woody Allen. Check out the full list here.

Sen. John McCain, Sarah Palin and New Jersey Gov. Christie also made the list.

EDITORS at the US publication didn’t hold back when it came to explaining why President Obama was the 2nd entry in the list of the least influential people of 2014:

“Why are you still on Martha’s Vineyard?! Missouri is BURNING. Putin is conquering Europe. The CDC is playing nude Twister with Ebola patients. U2 is forcing bad songs on everyone. The NSA won’t stop watching me masturbate.

I need you ON THIS. Are you even president anymore? When Obama got blasted for golfing shortly after ISIS beheaded journalist James Foley, he said, “I should’ve anticipated the optics.” How do you win the presidency without knowing that golfing makes you look rich and indifferent?”

Coming in 9th place was the entire CNN enterprise because it’s “still looking for that f**king plane! Is it in the ocean? Did it travel to another dimension? WAS IT A ZOMBIE PLANE?! We need to put the folks at CNN out of their misery. I can get better news standing at a goddamn bus stop.”

Top 30 Least Influential People In The United States: Non-Influencers List 2014

1. Bono and U2 –  “The worst part was the way both Apple and U2 treated this like it was some kind of noble gift to The People”

2. Barack Obama,  US President –  “Are you even president anymore?”

3. Donald Sterling, Ex-NBA owner
“The racist/slumlord/pervert/nudist ex-NBA owner displayed a remarkable lack of power in 2014.”

4. Carter Bays and Craig Thomas, How I Met Your Mother writers
“It’s a sitcom. Why does it even NEED a twist? It’s not as if Cheers ended with all the characters turning out to be ghosts.”

5. Zach Braff, actor
“Can we all agree never to crowd-fund a movie again? Please? He should’ve just filmed himself rubbing that money on his armpits.”

6. Roger Goodell, Commissioner of the National Football League
“He’s made liking football feel gross and wrong.”

7. Stephen A. Smith, talk show host
“How can ESPN fire SAS for being an idiot when they hired him specifically to be an idiot?”

8. Dwyane Wade, American professional basketball player
“His knees are the only things in America right now that are rusting faster than Cleveland.”

9. CNN, televison news network
“We need to put the folks at CNN out of their misery. I can get better news standing at a goddamn bus stop.”

10. Eric Cantor, politician
“OOPS!”

11. Derek Jeter

12. Jay Nixon

13. Rick Perry

14. Benny Johnson

15. The Brazilian soccer team

16. Johnny Depp

17. Cliven Bundy

18. Suey Park

19. Tom Wheeler

20. Chris Christie

21. Shia LaBeouf

22. John McCain

23. Woody Allen

24. The Secret Service

25. Robin Thicke

26. Sarah Palin

27. Dinesh D’Souza

28. Desmond Hague

29. Mary Barra

30. Cops