Things go awry even with the best of plans: A key supporter suddenly leaves when you most need them, a role you thought was yours goes to someone else, a customer leaves for a competitor, an outcome that you staked your reputation on doesn’t deliver the results you expected.
In moments of disappointment, especially those with high stakes, your reaction can send massive waves throughout the organization. Countless productive hours are lost to anxiety, gossip spreads, and everyone dreads telling you about the next problem.
Setbacks happen for reasons outside of your control; however, the way you react says a great deal about your reputation and what opportunities will come your way.
How do you keep yourself from causing the kind of ripple that damages the culture? How can you best coach a team member through a setback? Both involve three steps.
Step One
What story are you telling yourself?
- What are you really feeling and why? Maybe your initial reaction is anger, but upon reflection you find there is fear about how you will be judged. Sometimes an emotion is more about a prior event than about the current situation. Name the emotion and try to understand the original source of the emotion.
- What data are you ignoring? All of us attend to some information and ignore other information. It is how our brains are wired, and it is also the root of all biases. A confidant can be extremely useful in helping you identify what you have ignored. For example, suppose the setback involved a customer leaving for a competitor. There may have been subtle signals in the weeks and months before. Perhaps a team member even brought up the concern, but you dismissed it.
- Who is reinforcing your story? When you lead at scale, people tell you what they think you want to know. People tell you about the customer success; they don’t tell you about the challenges the customer presented.
Now that you are open to the possibility that you might not know the full story, you are ready for step two.
Step Two
Challenge yourself to consider what else might be going on other than your version of the story. Generate hypotheses. I find that having someone to call for alternative interpretations can speed up the process and produce the best outcome. But pick someone who can challenge your views.
Generate at least three or more distinctly different hypotheses. For example, a customer may be leaving because 1) the customer was disappointed by the speed of your company’s delivery, 2) the customer wanted to try something new, 3) the competitor brought a different relationship to the table, 4) the customer felt you were taking them for granted … We could go on.
In my experience, the first hypothesis is almost always wrong. Frequently, the second hypothesis is just a variation on the first. It takes at least three hypotheses to change your perspective.
A leader, who had just taken over a major change effort, concluded that a long-standing member of the team needed to go. It was a painful decision, but she was convinced it was the right call because the person did not accept her new direction and leadership. Generating two other alternatives changed the conversion. As it turned out, the cause of the team member’s seeming uncooperativeness was actually a fear of failure – of not being able to learn a new methodology. Rather than losing an experienced member of the team, she was able to find ways to reduce the person’s anxiety.
When you are open to multiple interpretations, you have a better chance of getting a strong solution.
Step Three
Brainstorm what next steps you could take. Always write down all your ideas – even those you have rejected – because it gets them out of your mind. Ask people around you for ideas. I strongly recommend coming up with 15 plausible actions, as the first 8 or 10 will be ones you have already considered or tried. The last five will likely contain breakthrough ideas.
You are not looking for the ultimate resolution. You are looking for a good next step.
Choose
Now you are in a position to take action. Look through your ideas. Stay open to potential unknown factors. Rehearse what you might say and how you will say it. Take the time to put yourself in the right frame of mind.
Maybe there is nothing you can do. Maybe there is something else you need to know. Create the best possible scenario for finding out.
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Written by Wanda T. Wallace, PhD.
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