How to Stay Sober at Work Holiday Events

It’s estimated that 40-60% of people attempting any kind of sobriety lose the battle in the first year of recovery. Surely, our sober efforts are most severely tested during the holiday season and work events and company culture can bring difficult situations to navigate.

The office often provides a specific pressure point, making our surrender to peer pressure, family-tie anxiety, and what-the-hell temptations look nearly logical. There are holiday parties, daily holiday snack platters, drinks with the ‘gang’ events, and, in many cases, gift-giving expectations. We worry about how office team members see us: Are we wet-blankets, not team-players, judgmental about how others eat, drink, or shop? Are we being perceived as not fun, uptight, or not a good fit? And in the background, there’s our private mental anxiety about not being enough, being liked, and measuring up, as well as the secret inner stressors that often accompany upcoming family events.

There’s much to unpack about these ideas, but with regard to holiday office stress, let’s keep it simple. I suggest you explore each section by delving into what lies beneath your fears. With each statement, I’ll suggest ways to do that.

Basic things to remember when imagining what can derail your sobriety resolve: 

•  If you find yourself focused on what others think about you, write about what you think of yourself. Be thorough and honest about this. The truth is, people are more often thinking about what you think of them than about what they think of you.
• Begin exploring the payoff of your negative self-thoughts. Do this in writing or even just rumination. By tracing these negative thoughts back to their origins, you are opening your eyes to longstanding patterns. The truth is, you’re using your self-consciousness as an excuse to undermine your own well-being.
• Realize that self-consciousness is pandemic. The truth is, most people are struggling with some measure of self-esteem challenge. This means your self-doubt can lend compassion to the way you walk through the world.
• It’s not terrible to be compulsive. It’s about where you aim your compulsivity. Do you apply your compulsive urges to your work ethic? Do you aim your I-gotta habits at physical well-being? Consider changing your compulsion into a healthy drive.
• Make a list of how you imagine your best life looks. Will continued addictive behavior help you create that life? If so, how? Will discontinuing long-term sobriety help you create that life? If so, how?

How can you avoid getting ensnared in the Holiday “fun”? 

1. Make small deals with yourself, such as: “No matter what, I refuse to drink or overeat at this holiday gathering.” Make a pact with a friend, either at the party or with someone you don’t work with, to call/talk to them BEFORE you take that first drink, share a drug, or overload your snack plate. Plan this in advance of the gathering.
2. Make your “exit plan” in advance. As the holiday party goes on, you’ll doubtless see more and more people getting tipsy and drunk, and/or constantly refilling their snack plates. It’s better to leave too early than too late.  Set your watch alarm or have a sober friend call you at a particular time.
3. Find the non-drinkers and/or healthy eaters at the gatherings and hang out with them.
4. Talk to yourself using both reminders and pep talks. Those of us who have successfully given ourselves the gift of sobriety understand the idea of staying sober one day at a time. Often, however, it’s truly one hour at a time. We say things to ourselves like, “I’m not going to drink at this moment. If I do decide to drink today, or pig out on food (nice term, huh!), it won’t be here where my boss and peers are. I can revisit the idea later tonight.”
5. You made it!! Congratulate yourself after leaving for the good job you did by honoring yourself. PS. You’ll be a better office team player by staying clear-minded and clear-sighted. The promotion, appreciation for great quality work, and recognition you’re seeking are far more likely to be forthcoming if you honor your personal-intention commitments.

The even bigger truth: No matter how many tricks and treats you offer yourself this holiday season, saying you want to be sober or healthy is not enough. As usual, sustainable lifestyle changes need to be approached with vigor and honesty. And as with all change, action is key. That’s certainly not easy, as we live in an addiction-based world that often refuses to support our best selves. In a sense, then, we must be disruptors, refusing to follow the addiction status quo. The good news is, there are entire groups of these so-called disruptors – people earnest for change. Find those groups and join them.

Here’s my final astonishing truth: we are each worth more and better than we have believed we are! Whether we reveal our highest and best selves to ourselves and others is entirely up to us. If we deeply decide that no one this season shall derail our intentions, it will be true.  We are the conductors of our own lives.

Written by Dr. Nicki J. Monti.