Who’s Your Crew? 5 Reasons Great Relationships Are Essential to Aging Well

Managing a boat or a ship is rarely a solitary activity. In fact, in many cases, it outright demands the help of others.

A U.S. Navy aircraft carrier can require up to 6,000 people to operate. Large superyachts sometimes need close to 50 crew members to sail the seas safely. Even the humble sloop — with its singular forward mast — typically requires at least two people to be used effectively.

In this sense, life is much the same.

As working professionals, having crewmates is a foregone conclusion. For the most part, your work-centered crewmates are even decided for you, and any struggle is more about striking the right balance to keep all your crewmates (yourself included) happy and healthy as they operate the ship.

On the other hand, retirees are entirely on their own when it comes to assembling their crew. This can feel liberating, but it can also feel overwhelming, if for no other reason than how crucial successful social relationships can be to aging well. They aren’t just part of what makes the journey enjoyable. They are an essential part of what makes the journey possible in the first place.

Relationships are the real retirement predictors 

The currency of retirement is connection. After all, retirement isn’t just a financial transition — it’s a social transition as well.

Data consistently shows that social connection is a more powerful predictor of well-being than wealth or even physical health. Beyond that, individual longevity in almost any context is increasingly linked to the effects of social relationships, and those benefits become even more absent without the structure of a physical or virtual office.

May 4th is Relationship Renewal Day. 

Have you invested as wisely in people as you have in your other assets? I hope so. As one of the world’s leaders in “redefining retirement,” these are the five reasons I’ve discovered great relationships are essential to aging well.

1. Connection fuels joy.
   Retirement isn’t isolation — it’s an invitation to something different.

   For the first half of our lives, social connection often happens by default. As children, we make friends with whoever is in our vicinity. As teens and young adults, we have schools and tightly-connected social groups that spring up from nowhere. As professionals, we have hallway chats, client calls, team meetings, and the usual post-work complaints. In retirement, however, there is no guarantee of social connection, and that connection can be a major predictor of happiness and health later in life.

   What does science tell us? Even in young adulthood, social connection buffers people from the toxic effects of stress. This is why forming friendships within the first few weeks of college has been linked to success in subsequent years. Unfortunately, up to 19% of young adults admit to having no one they can count on for social support — a number steadily on the rise.

2. Support systems are life extenders. 
   We don’t just survive longer with support — we live better.

   We often think of support systems in terms of the individual benefits they provide. Emotional support from one person, holding our hands and listening to what we need to say. Practical guidance from another, teaching us how to change a tire or how to improve our professional portfolio. That said, these benefits eventually coalesce into something even more important. Because each one somehow improves a small part of our life, taken together they also make the whole thing easier to live.

   What does science tell us? Research consistently shows that individuals with strong social ties experience fewer complications as they age, as well as longer lifespans in general. In this way, a robust support system is like preventative medicine — only much more enjoyable.

3. Engagement means mental fitness.
   A good conversation is brain food.

   Authentic leather goods are made to last. As opposed to general wear and tear, leather actually gets better with use. Thanks to repeated bending, exposure to elements, and natural skin oils, leather develops a unique patina, or a natural change in color and texture that enhances its look and increases general comfort.

   Aluminum baseball bats develop a “trampoline effect” after extended use, and the human mind seems to sharpen itself through stimulation. Staying socially active stimulates memory and helps preserve cognitive function over time. In this way, social interaction isn’t simply a pastime, but also a preventative and protective step for the brain.

   What does science tell us? A multi-continent study on aging revealed that the prevalence or presence of meaningful social relationships had a direct impact on the average rate of cognitive decline. Simply put, the engagement that comes from deep social connection is critical to mental fitness.

4. Emotional anchors help with transitions.
   Strong ties act like ballast in rough waters.

   The emotional upheaval associated with leaving behind one’s professional identity can be profound. That said, trusted relationships can provide stability, empathy, and perspective when your ship runs into a storm and starts rocking underneath your feet. This is true of every stage in life, but it’s absolutely essential to aging well. As we get older, we don’t outgrow the need for a circle of care. It simply becomes our responsibility — and our pleasure — to freely choose who makes up that circle.

   What does science tell us? In a study spanning six different universities, students were interviewed about the friendships they formed within the first few weeks of starting school and their overall adjustment to university life. Overwhelmingly, those students who quickly formed strong social connections were more successful in adjusting to their new lifestyles.

5. Growing together offers inspiration.
   When we grow together, we age with grace and inspire each other.

   Those who maintain close, supportive relationships are more likely to stay curious, try new things, and continue setting aspirational goals. Personal development doesn’t end when the paycheck does. However, if that’s all that was driving you, you’ll need something else to take its place. Relationships can be a part of that, and the best ones help us expand into who we’re becoming.

   What does science tell us? Richard Ryan and Edward Deci’s seminal work on Self-Determination Theory discusses three psychological needs for motivation. The first two are autonomy and competence. The second is relatedness, and this third need is the underpinning of Deci and Ryan’s subtheories regarding “relationship motivation.” To put it succinctly, it means our social connections are a big part of our personal motivation.

Get a Crew, Get a Compass.  

Retirement is uncharted water, which makes it especially difficult to navigate alone. Just as every voyage on anything bigger than a rowboat requires a crew, so too does a fulfilling life after work. Choose your companions well, nurture those relationships with care, and let your social connections be both your crew and your compass as you venture into life after work.

Written by Elizabeth Zelinka Parsons.
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