CEO Confidential

Why You Need To Stop Being A People Pleaser

Empathy is an important element that relationships demand these days. Being empathetic or kind to someone means you understand them and care about their feelings.

While this world surely needs kind-hearted humans today, it doesn’t really want people pleasers. Remember that there is a thin line between being compassionate and being a people pleaser. Avoid crossing that.

If you agree with others to such an extent that whatever they do feels right to you (irrespective of the fact that deep down you think otherwise), then chances are high that you are a people pleaser.

And, that’s nothing else but cheating yourself. That craving to constantly seek others’ approval, that ability to justify others’ bad behaviour towards you, and that neglect that you show towards your own feelings – all this is a spiral of weak behaviour.

Here are a few reasons why you need to stop being a people pleaser and start saying ‘yes’ to your own self.

To focus on your well-being

People pleasers tend to neglect themselves. They care for others way too much. And, as a result, they are left with less time to devote on their own well-being. Taking care of others is good. But, it becomes bad when you no longer care for yourself.

When you stop being a people pleaser, you get time to invest in yourself. Go out for walks, watch your favourite movie, read a book, eat healthy, exercise, and do whatever you love doing. When you are less bothered about others’ opinions of you, you get time to focus on your well-being. And, that’s the best thing that you can do for yourself.

To gain confidence

Overthinking, when combined with people pleasing, could be fatal. If you think too much about the off-the-cuff comments of others, you destroy your self-confidence bit by bit.

Learn to take things lightly. Don’t be bothered about what others have to say about you. And, most importantly, don’t try to conform to others’ standards of you. Instead, try to focus your energy on your dreams and desires. You will be much more confident than before, and you will love the feeling.

To make better decisions

Unfortunately, people pleasing can take your power to think on your own, and make decisions that you want. People pleasers seek approval from others, no matter how little a decision they want to make. This causes them to be weak and needy. And, nobody likes a weak person. So, pleasing people could backfire in the long run. In the end, you could be left with regrets for not making the decisions you thought could turn out to be great.

If you really want to make better decisions, then think about your desires. Be a strong decision-maker. You owe that to yourself. 

To be fearless

Stop living with the fear that your friends or family will not like you if you don’t do what they want. That’s downright irrational. Those who really care about you, those who really like you, will do so irrespective of what you do for them.

Don’t live with the fear that you will lose people, if you will say no. Try and explain your thoughts assertively, and the right people will always stick by you.

To contribute better to the world

When you agree with others’ opinions, and don’t bring anything new to the table, you are making no contribution to this world. In a corporate set-up, when you agree with what others say and hold yourself back from putting new thoughts into a discussion, you are simply on a trip to self-sabotage yourself by being a non-contributor.

Avoid being a non-contributor. Think creatively. And, give power to your thoughts by expressing them. Your little contributions can benefit the world more than what you may think. Just give it a try.

To stay positive

People pleasing is an unhealthy behaviour that can lead you to negativity, without you knowing about it. Feeling bad about not being able to do something that others want you to, is a vicious circle that you need to break.

When you learn to say no for things that you don’t feel like putting your efforts into, you stay positive. And, positivity can lead you to wonderful things.

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Dr. Amarendra Bhushan Dhiraj
Dr. Amarendra Bhushan Dhiraj is the CEO and editorial director at CEOWORLD magazine, the leading global business magazine written strictly for CEOs, CFOs, top managers, company directors, investors, senior executives, business leaders, and high net worth individuals.
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